Same-Sex Family Parenting Guide

Preparing to become a parent can be an exciting and daunting process, and this cuts across all prospective parents- Hetero or LGBTQ. All parents have moments of doubt, questioning whether they can really be a great parent. 

Same-sex parents also question whether children with same-sex parents are negatively impacted in the long run. While there are no differences between same-sex parented children and opposite-sex parented ones, preparing for this journey is essential. This guide will help you understand what it takes to prepare for a child from a same-sex family. 

Key Takeaways

• The number of same-sex couple households in the United States exceeded one million in 2021.
• Legal and financial hurdles exist for LGBTQ+ parenthood, including adoption and surrogacy costs, underscoring the need for legal advice and rights awareness.
• Support groups, diverse media, inclusive communities, and other resources can help to ensure LGBTQ+ parents can raise their children with confidence as a same-sex couple.

Same-Sex Families

Same-sex families are growing globally. According to data released by the Census Bureau in 2022, there were about 1.2 million same-sex couple households in the U.S. in 2021, a notable increase from the approximate 594,000 same-sex partner households reported in 2000.

Same-sex families have over the years faced ridicule, stigma, and ostracization, which made many prospective parents fear creating their own families. Things are changing now, and as same-sex families become more accepted, there is now a rise in same-sex parenting.  There are now more resources available to LGBTQ+ parents and more healthcare professionals are enabling such couples to build their dream families. 

Recent studies have shown that children from same-sex parents fare just as well as children raised by straight couples. It’s also been found that a parent’s sexual orientation is not an important determinant of children’s development. In fact, children who grow up in same-sex-parent families are just as likely to be happy and successful as those who grow up in straight families. What every child needs is intentionality. Great parents put in the time, effort, and love that the child needs.

Challenges for LGBTQ+ Parents in Starting a Family

There are many challenges all parents face but some are unique to same-sex parents. 

Laws and regulations

While straight parents can have children at any time, different laws and regulations in various areas are burdensome to LGBTQ+ parents. Planning for a family as a same-sex couple requires you to understand the legislation in the specific state and country you reside in, particularly any restrictive regulations. 

Even though U.S. federal law does not prohibit LGBTQ+ families from having children or same-sex couples from being adoptive parents, there are currently 14 states that permit state-licensed child welfare agencies to refuse to place and provide services to certain children and families, including LGBTQ+ people and same-sex couples, if doing so conflicts with their religious beliefs. 

The Costs of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

The cost of parenting can be astronomical when you consider childcare. Not only that, a study by Planned Parenthood shows that when considering medical insurance, travel, and legal expenses, surrogacy can cost $60,000 to upwards of $150,000. Additionally, assisted reproductive technologies can cost $300 to $1,000 without insurance. 

There’s also the cost of legal fees that come with surrogacy and adoption, and these costs can range between $100 to $500 per hour for a consultation alone. 

Tips for Raising a Child in a Same-Sex Family

Raising children can be joyous and tasking at the same time. The financial and emotional responsibilities of raising children are similar in straight and same-sex marriages. As parents, the goal is to create a safe, healthy, and wholesome environment with the right appropriate structure, open and honest communication, and healthy conflict resolution.

However, households with an LGBTQ+ family structure may face additional challenges, such as the impact of social stigma, lack of support, discrimination at schools or in the community, bullying, and a culture that is traditionally heterosexist in beliefs and values. 

Support Groups

Raising children in an LGBTQ+ family structure can be quite isolating. Because of the stigma often associated with same-sex relationships, many parents feel isolated from other families in their communities. Nowadays, there are local or digital support groups for LGBTQ+ families and allies. Many cities have LGBTQ+ community centers that host support groups and social events. They also often provide resources specifically tailored to LGBTQ+ parents and families.

Diverse TV & Books

Now more than ever, more books, TV shows, and movies are including diverse forms of families. Representation of LGBTQ+ does matter when it comes to feeling more comfortable, seen, and accepted. Families in movies, TV shows, and books are often heteronormative, involving a mother and father, but consuming certain media that features diverse, same-sex couples can allow for a child to be more confident when seeing a family like theirs depicted in the media.

Check for Inclusivity

Before enrolling children in daycare, school, or extracurricular activities, always check their policies on inclusion and discrimination. Through research, find organizations and institutions that will be supportive, inclusive, and nurturing for diverse children and a same-sex family. LGBTQ+ families and children should be valued and respected as well as any other family.

Therapy and Counseling

Therapy and counseling are a great resource for every family. Exploring the option of therapy for both LBGTQ parents and their children can be a great added resource. One can choose in-person or online therapy to help LGBTQ+ families work through any challenges or fears they may experience during their parenting journey.

Online therapy is just as effective as in-person therapy, and the increase in providers—in both traditional and telehealth platforms—can allow parents to filter therapists based on certain identity factors like age, gender, faith, and sexual orientation. This helps LGBTQ+ parents find a provider who fits their or their child’s needs.

Additional Resources

• Ivy Fertility’s LGBTQ+ family-building resources. If you’re a same-sex couple considering parenthood, we here at Ivy Fertility can help with your needs. We believe in providing personalized and effective fertility treatment to all patients. Our fertility centers are committed to providing safe, welcoming, and proficient family-building services for the LGBTQ+ community. For more information, explore our 
• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE): An organization dedicated to helping the children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents and families.
• Gay Parent Magazine: A publication centering on the experiences of LGBTQ+ families with international and domestic adoption, foster care, donor insemination, surrogacy, and more.
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC): The largest civil rights organization in the U.S. working to achieve LGBTQ+ equality.
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG): A program devoted to educating and supporting everyone involved in the life of a sexual minority individual.
• Strong Family Alliance: A nonprofit providing support and resources to parents of LGBT kids coming out.
• The Trevor Project: An American nonprofit organization focused on suicide prevention efforts among LGBTQ+ youth.

Bottom line

While same-sex families are not as common as heterosexual families in the U.S., it is still possible to raise healthy and confident children. Moreover, study after study has shown that if a child is brought up in a same-sex-parent household by adoption or assisted reproduction, parents may face questions and concerns.  

For same-sex families just starting their parental journey or those that already have children, there are numerous support groups, communities, and resources that can help to ensure LGBTQ+ parents can raise their children with confidence.